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How To Flock Your Artificial Tree!

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How to Flock a tree

 How To Flock Your Artificial Tree!

So I took my $2 Yardsale Tree…YES $2!!!  And I Flocked it!!!

It was quite easy actually.  I think the grand total for supplies was -$59.00. Not Bad considering the price of flocked trees and what I paid for the actual tree! Happy Flocking!

(on a side note….I apologize for the amount of times I say Flocking.  I just couldn’t help myself.)

 

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Blinging My Car Tires with Glitter!!!! Oh Yeah!!

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Glitter, sparkle, tires, car
Black Magic Glitter Tire Color!

I’M GOING TO BLING MY CAR TIRES!

Hi everyone, I’m very excited.  I just received in the mail yesterday my

Black Magic Tire Color!

 

To be clear, I wasn’t paid to do this. I am not advertising for them either.  What happened was….

If you are on Facebook you have probably seen ads for this stuff!  You paint or dab on this stuff to add glitter and shine to your car tires!  And since I am a glitter and sparkle fiend, all my friends on Facebook tagged me in it.

OF COURSE I ORDERED IT!  lol.  I got it off of Amazon for $7.99 with free shipping.  I’ve seen people spend way more.  That’s just nuts.  Anyway, it came in the mail and I am going to try it!  So here is a video of me “blinging” my tires up!  It is not permanent.  It isn’t supposed to last very long.  I will update this post and let you guys know how long it lasts!!!

(and try not to notice my cracked driveway, I am waiting on my brother-in-laws o fix it…….hint, hint!)

 

 

Well, as you can see I like it!!!  But we will see how long it lasts.  It was super easy to apply, didn’t even take as long as I thought it would.  I don’t think it is all that sparkly when the car is moving.  Just a smidge.  You notice it more just parked.  But at night!  Oh My Goodness!  It’s really pretty, just looks like sparkles, when the light hits it just right.  GORGEOUS!   For what I paid it was well worth it.

Thanks for watching my video….and Happy Blinging!!!!!!

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Buy this, don’t buy that! Holiday Gift Guide For Men!

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Buy this, don’t buy that! Holiday Gift Guide For Men!

Hey Fellas!  So I recently saw this post where woman were naming some of the worst gifts they have ever gotten.  Started me thinking.  Maybe you guys just need some suggestions.  Some alternatives to a live Turtle or the Ped Egg.  So if you are struggling with some good gift ideas for the Holidays or have epically failed in the past, this video is for you! So put down that edible underwear, for the Love of God, PUT IT DOWN….and watch. And Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

 

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If you are thinking of buying an Elf on the Shelf…Don’t Do It! Save Yourself!

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If you are thinking of buying an Elf on the Shelf…Don’t Do It!!!

and if you do…Heed my warning! 

After the Video, you will find some pictures of some of the things I did with our Elf on the Shelf, Jingles.  Some ideas I got off of the internet, but most I came up with on my own.

But Please…PLEASE!!!!  Don’t get sucked in!!!!

 

 

Continue Reading

Blog, My Crazy Life

The F***ing Elf on a Shelf!

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So I’d like to tell you about my morning….it starts a few hours ago as I was finishing getting dressed for Church…I’m literally pulling up the zipper on my boots with about 3 minutes till we have to leave…..3 MINUTES!!!!

My husband comes rushing into the bedroom in a hushed but panicked tone and says to me,”Ang!!! The elf!“,  (Code word for, we forgot to move the frigging Elf!!!) I look at him, say a $5 curse word…we stare at each other for just a few seconds when I spring into action! Yes, spring!!!! I’m like, “I GOT THIS!”…now here’s the good part. Continue Reading

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So I want to run away from home….pack up the mini van and run like the wind! Who’s with me?!

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run away from home, from my wife and mother duties!

So I want to run away from home…..

If I die, my family is screwed.  SCREWED!  Royally!  I mean, they will eventually get over it, but as far as I can see, it will play out somewhere between the hunger games and the walking dead.  Now I say this, cause I think I’d like to run away from home and I’m worried about their survival if I go.  Yep!  I said run away.  Run away from my crazy life.  So if I run, I’m gonna need someone to check on them periodically, please. Continue Reading

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I am Free at Weight Watchers!!! and yes, it took me over 4 years!!!!!

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Lifetime at weight watchers key!

So today I am finally FREE at Weight Watchers!!!!

And by Free, I mean I am at LIFETIME!!  I got a key charm to prove it!   Sorry I’m hollering but I’m pretty excited!   After 4+ years!!!  Yes.  You heard me right.  Over 4 years ago, I went back to Weight Watchers.  I originally became a lifetime member in late 2004.  And in 2006 I welcomed my youngest son into this world, (and worth every single pound I gained!) and by the time he was 6 years old, I put all my weight back on PLUS another 20.  So the first time I joined, I had 50 lbs. to lose.  Now, I had 70 and it seemed like such an uphill battle. Continue Reading

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12 People I Hope Get a Vigorous Rash!!

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Hi All!  Just Andrea here.  So, I was driving to work today and running late.  I got behind a woman, in the passing lane, on the pike, going 38 mph. in A 50!  O.K., O.K., ✋ You’re thinking,  maybe she was getting ready to make a left.  Nope!!  I was behind her for  miles before I could finally get around her.   Why is it,  when you are late, you get behind every slow poke?  Or hit every red light for that matter.  Anyway, I digress.  My point.  What’s my point?  OH!  My point is,  while I was cursing like a truck driver, it started me thinking about my list.   Oh, I HAVE A LIST ALRIGHT!!”  A list of people who I wish vigorous rashes on, like people who drive slow in the passing lane.  Oh, don’t look at me that way…you know you all have a list!  So here goes mine…. Continue Reading

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All You Moms……….You Are Running Out of Time!!!!

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Hey gang, If you wouldn’t mind bearing with me for a few minutes ..I’m temporarily departing from my very silly and very crazy posts about poisoning myself and flashing my neighbor to bring you one a little more serious and a little closer to my heart…..

So here it is…… here’s my public service announcement for all you Moms (and Dads) who right now are watching your little girl put on a princess dress or your son yield a sword and an eye patch and give you his best pirate “argh!!”…….I have something to tell you…..YOU ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!   Trust me! Continue Reading

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So apparently….my Gyno has a thing for cats!

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So let me tell you about my new Gynecologist!!

 

Yep, I got a new one!  That’s always fun, right ladies? 🙄 Well, my last Dr. no longer accepted my insurance so I needed a new one.  And like the procrastinating woman I am, who does EVERYTHING last minute,  and being way over due for my annual check up, I just picked a Gyno  who was located close to my house. Continue Reading

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…and just like that, I ran over the family’s mailbox during prom pictures!

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Look out mailbox, Here I come!

OMG!!!!!!!!  I swear my life is a hidden frigging camera show!!!!!

So It’s my oldest daughter’s prom.  You know how everyone gathers at one family’s house (usually the one with the nicest landscaping) for pre-prom pictures?  Well, we go to one of my daughter’s friend’s house.  So does about 6 other couples.  (I’m estimating).  Anyway, that’s like 14 seniors with all their family members.  Pretty packed.  Parking was at a minimal!!!!  Lucky me, I got there early, parked in front of their house, SCORE! Continue Reading

Conversations with my Hubby!

Half Potatoes or Mashed?

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So I’m cooking dinner when Ken walks in to the kitchen….

Me to Ken:”half potatoes or mashed?”
Ken:”half”
Me:”half potatoes or mashed?”
Ken:”half”
Me:”Mashed are easier”
Ken: (releases a small sigh, only detectable to a trained ear and by that, I mean to a wife of 20 plus years who has sucked the life out of her husband) “mashed!”
Me:”WOA, ✋ EASY THERE IKE TURNER!!!!!!”

Ken…..shakes his head and leaves the kitchen


Me: (hollering into the other room) “I can’t live like this!!!

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How Many Moms Can Relate?!

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I know all mom’s can relate to this….so I get in the shower…and this is how it goes…(most days) I get in…seconds later…SECONDS!…I hear a tap on the door.

Me: “what?”

My Son:”Wha Wha Wha Wha”( insert Charlie Brown’s Teacher’s Voice here!  Cause that is all  hear!)….I have no idea what he’s saying. Continue Reading

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Hello….Poison Control?

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Hello, Poison Control?

So, let me tell you about my ordeal last night…or as I like to say…another day in the comedy of my life ✋🏼 I know what you’re thinking. No way! This much stuff can’t happen to one person…haha…how wrong you are! And for confirmation , I’m sure the dude at poison control will back me up… Continue Reading

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I Need Ice for my lady bits!  STAT!

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So I’m just sitting on my patio resting my private parts…yes PRIVATE PARTS………in my tired (yet euphoric state from my Laser tag victory….did I mention I killed it?!) I decided to try the roller-coaster simulator…SIMULATOR! That means NOT A REAL ROLLER-COASTER! Well, this thing flipped, yanked, jerked and twisted us!! Now see the picture above???  See the harness between Ken’s legs????Now, see mine?  Yeah, you wouldn’t, the lady made it so tight it was almost a reverse thong!!! Now imagine that harness as you are being thrust-ed all over…..(insert the theme to the crying game here). YEP…..I’m walking funny….thank you  lady, who needs some proper training on harnesses….”you like?” …”NO, ME NO LIKE!”  I need ice for my lady bits!!!!

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I think Sam lost his testicle.

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The punching bag Sam lost his testicle carrying.
The punching bag Sam lost his testicle carrying.

(From the Archives – May 30, 2015)

JustAndrea here …

So I’m at a yard sale….I LOVE to Yard Sale!!!! I buy a heavy bag!! You know, a punching bag.  And not a cheap one, a real, bonafied, weighs like a ton, heavy bag!  Well they wanted 15 bucks and it’s in great condition, but I know it will be a pain in the ass to hang up, most likely will stay in the garage for years to come, on the ground, just waiting to get hung, till I resell it at my own yard sale, so at first, I decided not to get it.  Start to walk away and the lady says, “Make an offer, I just want to get rid of it”.  So the  lady took $12 for it…..SCORE!!!!!  Well, her hubby, who apparently was the proud owner of it,  wasn’t thrilled.   I heard him saying stuff to her like “are you nuts?!?!”.  ” You practically gave it away!”. I don’t think he even  knew her starting price was 15 bucks….he was mad.   Continue Reading

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Ummmm…my son’s gamer tag is gonna get us registered as sex offenders!

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OMG!!! So we are trying to get my son  on Xbox live! Oy vey.

So apparently you need a gamer tag …My son picks one, of course they charge you for it! So he wants it to be RaptorMan…cause that’s this character he created in his own comic. So he types it in, hits buy, all in like two seconds BEFORE I EVEN READ IT!!  BEFORE  I can fix it!!!!  OMG!  He typed in Raper Man!!! RAPER MAN!!!!!!Omg!!! He sounds like a rapist!!!!!! On Xbox live!!!! Trying to play against other kids!!!!!  Can you imagine your kid getting a game request from someone named Raper Man???? Continue Reading

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I DON’T BANK!

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(from the archives July 1, 2017)

Soooo…..I have to go to the bank…I don’t “bank”…per say….my husband handles that.  (✋ Slow your roll, I choose to let him, because when we first got married 23 years ago, I did the banking and I was completely ok with not balancing the checkbook at the end of the month, just having an estimate, if you will, was fine with me and I failed miserable at it and gladly gave him the job and never looked back!)  ANYWAY…I have a bucket of change…I save it all year for the kids for when we go on vacation…and apparently, so I hear, my bank has a change machine…I dunno, I never go in there. Ken (my Hubby) writes down and tells me to take our account number cause they won’t know who I am…so, I put the bucket of change in my car, head to “our” bank…… Continue Reading

Blog, Conversations with my Hubby!

OH, He showed me!

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(from the archives-July 9, 2016)

So my husband’s cleaning out our van….I’m sitting at the dining room table playing a heated game of war with our son when the front door opens and he saunters in…YES, SAUNTERS! Like he’s got something on me.  Like he’s going to one up me!  You know the attitude ladies.  Like he thinks he’s about to win an argument.

He approaches the dining room table with a bag and very slowly…YES SLOWLY, he starts taking out my sunglasses one by one, and painstakingly slow starts lining them up on the table with this smirk on his face….so I just stare him down…cause I know…I KNOW!!!!!!!   He thinks he’s showing me because just last week he made a comment about me buying MORE sunglasses.   So he’s looking at me like I’m about to get a big, “I told you so!”  Hahaha.   But I don’t flinch!  I don’t  waiver!!! And now I have that all too familiar “you’ve poked the bear” wife look.  Like how DARE YOU!!!!   You know the one ladies.

So when he gets to the end of the bag… Continue Reading

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Excuse me, but I think your cashier is battling a rash or something….

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From the Archives – April 3, 2016

(My complaint letter to a chain discount store in my area)

So I was in your ****** store  in **********, NJ today and I just wanted to let you know that my cashier may have been the nastiest one I have ever encountered. Now, I know she could have just been having a bad day, we all have them, maybe her dog died or possible she has a bad rash BUT she would be better suited maybe working for the TSA at the airport, or a prison guard or, dare I Ointment for Cashier's rashsay, euthanizing stray cats and dogs at the animal shelter. Continue Reading

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Jewelry on your Lady Bits? WHAT??!!!!

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Things on the web  that make me say WTF!

 

Ok, hold on.✋

WHAT IN THE SAM HILL!!!!!!

So a company in Tokyo is marketing “Beachtail” crotch charms.  No, I’m not kidding.  For $19.50 you can nab yourself one!

They even sell them on Amazon!

Yep!

Jewelry for the crotch of your bathing suit!!???  Really?!  Omg!!!!! Who actually wants metal dangling from their lady bits?!  AND FORGET ABOUT SWIMMING!!! That’s like wearing a fishing lure down there! You might get your coochy bit!!  Or catch a big one!  Hahaha, I’m picturing someone walking out of the ocean with a fish dangling from their crotch charm!!!!😂😂😂🐟🐠🐡🎣👙

And are they nickel free??? Do they sell them for woman with “sensitive” va-jay-jays?  And that chain rubbing against your lady bits is just inviting some serious chaffing down there!!!   YIKES!!!!!🙄🙄🙄

 

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Hello world!

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That’s it?!  I just created a page and I’m a blogger?!  Really???  No test?  No background check?  No pat down at security?  I can say whatever I want?  hahahahah.  Wow!!!!  This should be fun!